Project Ebola

U.S., Pakistan exchange shots at border

P.E. Newswire

U.S. and Pakistani troops exchanged shots Thursday along the Pakistani-Afghan border.

The U.S. Army OH-58D Kiowas, part of NATO's International Security Assistance Force mission in Afghanistan, were patrolling the Pakistani-Afghan border when the Pakistani military invited them to land, NATO and U.S. officials said.

The Pakistani military said the gesture was to promote friendship between the two countries and to have a "f*cking great time." Both Zardari and the Pakistani military said the helicopters had crossed into Pakistani territory, so they decided to make the best of the situation.

Rear Adm. Greg Smith of U.S. Central Command said the helicopters were providing cover for a small U.S. military unit accompanying an Afghan border police unit on a routine patrol. The small military unit joined the group after the choppers radioed in there would be "free booze courtesy of those crazy Pakis."

No alcohol related injuries were reported during the five-minute exchange.

Smith and other U.S. officials said the helicopter crews did not drink and fly.

But the Pakistanis disagreed, asserting in a written statement that the helicopters "swerved off into the horizon" after the initial shots were ingested.

"The helicopters passed over our border post and were well within Pakistan party time territory" at the time that "security forces downed anticipatory Tequila shots," the Pakistani statement said.

After the shots were taken, "the helicopters landed, drank some of our booze, and departed."

"Everybody loves a party," Zardari said in response to a question asking why the Pakistani military was drinking with NATO helicopter pilots. "Just to make sure that they know they crossed the border line."

Asked if such gatherings will continue, he replied, "Hell yeah they will. Why not? I mean, it's not like we're actually going to shoot at each other, so we might as well drink."

Rice agreed that "the border is like Cancun at times."

According to Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman, "The Pakistanis need to provide the U.S. a reason as to why there was no Vodka on hand," he said.

Both the ISAF and Pakistani military said they are working to resolve the issue.

Last week, Zardari said Pakistan would not allow foreign nations to dictate what kind of alcohol will be offered.

"We will not tolerate the dictation of what kind of booze we serve by any power in the name of combating sobriety," he said in his first speech to Parliament as president.

His remark followed a similar declaration from Pakistan's military chief, Gen. Parvez Kayani, who said this month that Pakistan's right to choose its booze "will be defended at all cost, and no external force is allowed to party without our permission."

A senior defense official in the Pentagon said the Pentagon is trying to determine the details of Thursday's impromptu fiesta.

"What we don't know if this was just a case of party-happy members of the Frontier Corps," the official said, "or whether in fact the Pakistani military does have orders to get our pilots and troops drunker than a teen on prom night."

Top U.S. commanders will be talking to the Pakistani military about the party to determine if there was a misunderstanding, and as to why they did not fire upon the US forces as expected, a U.S. official familiar with details of the incident said.

The official said this is the first verified incident of U.S. troops getting shit faced with Pakistani forces. There were at least two previous reports in recent days out of Pakistan about similar incidents, but the United States has said neither of those reports was true.

McCain seeks to delay debate to focus on David Blaine Crisis

                        

P.E. Newswire

Republican John McCain said Wednesday he is directing his staff to work with Democrat Barack Obama's campaign and the presidential debate commission to delay Friday's debate because of the David Blaine Crisis.

Blaine, a daredevil magician has suspended himself upside down above Central Park's Wollman ice skating rink on Monday and plans to stay there for 60 hours, according to the news report.

In a statement, McCain said he will stop campaigning after addressing former President Clinton's Global Initiative session on Thursday and return to Washington to focus on getting Blaine down before too much blood rushes to his head.

McCain said he wants President Bush to convene a leadership meeting in Washington that would include him and Obama.

"It has become clear that no consensus has developed to support the administration's proposal to get David down," McCain said. "I do not believe that the plan on the table will pass as it currently stands, and we are running out of time. That man will have a massive headache after 60 hours. "

McCain said if Congress does not pass legislation to address the crisis, Blaine could pass out, people will no longer be able to watch magic shows, reputations will be at stake and businesses will not have enough money to fund future magic shows.

"If we do not act, ever corner of our country will be impacted," McCain said. "We cannot allow this to happen."

McCain said he has spoken to Obama about his plans and asked the Democratic presidential nominee to join him.

The Obama campaign said Obama had called McCain around 8:30 a.m. Wednesday to propose that they issue a joint statement in support of a package to help get the magician down as soon as possible. McCain called back six hours later and agreed to the idea of the statement, the Obama campaign said. McCain's statement was issued to the media a few minutes later.

"We must meet as Americans, not as Democrats or Republicans, and we must meet until this crisis is resolved," McCain said. "I am confident that before David wakes up tomorrow we can achieve consensus on legislation that will bring him down safely and earn the confidence of the American people. All we must do to achieve this is temporarily set politics aside, and I am committed to doing so."

New Direction for Project Ebola

Project Ebola has been out of commission for quite some time. But as of yesterday, Project Ebola has taken a new direction. We got tired of all the bad news out there and decided to start our own newswire service: P.E. Newswire. Check back daily for stories on events both current and long past. P.E. Newswire will also be interviewing famous celebrities so keep an eye out for those.

If you're looking for the old content, then make your way over to the categories section and look in "Archived."

Puppy Marine Threw Off Bridge Found Alive!

P.E. Newswire

The puppy seen flung off a bridge in the infamous video circulated  7 months ago on the internet has been found alive in Arkansas.

Apparently, "Spots" was separated from his mother, a bomb sniffing Army dog, and wandered off onto his own where he ran into Sgt. Morales. In a cruel twist of fate, Spots was tossed off a cliff and thought never to be seen again. That is until yesterday in Little Rock.

"I just couldn't believe it" said Mary Hasselbeck. "My son raised this little guy's momma, and he was distraught over the loss of the puppy. Those things go for a good $1000 easy!"

Mrs. Hasselbeck says the now older puppy showed up on their doorstep out of the blue, and after conducting a little bit of research she discovered the dog had been on an adventure not unlike the main character in the movie "Into the Wild," except of course the main character was a human, and Spots is in fact a canine.

It is a happy ending for all, and Mary plans to reunite the puppy with the mother as soon as her son returns home from the service next April. More on this story as it develops.

Sharks Evolving by Growing Laser Guns on Heads.

P.E. Newswire

"Sciencetechnews - In a report issued by the marine biology department at Monterrey University in Monterrey, California, shocking details of a new breed of great white shark are emerging.

According to marine biologist Joseph R. Pinkleton, certain great white sharks have begun "evolving laser guns on their heads as a new sort of attack mechanism. We've never seen anything like this before."

In the report filed, the department claims that the laser guns have evolved because at some point after the release of Austin Powers, somebody apparently tried to attach a laser beam to a great white shark's head, but failed. The laser remained in place and after successive matings, it eventually began to function after a generation of breeding.

"This is bad news for fisherman" said Roy Smith, a fisherman off the California coast that ran into one of the mutated sharks. "Well, it got on the boat and jess started shootin with that damn laser beam on its head! We lost 3 members of the crew before we were able to kill it. My job just got whole lot harder. That show 'Deadliest Catch' is fer sissies, and now we have the proof."

Once word of the new sharks got out online, sales of boats and fishing rigs skyrocketed in the Monterrey area, with most of the rigs thought to be purchased by Bill Gates."

Halo 3 Reviews Listed. Halo 3 Scores BIG!

 Halo 3 is easily the most anticipated Xbox360 game to date. Bungie and company have been working the last 3 years to get Halo 3 ready to satisfy the hordes of rabid Halo fans and newcomers. Being one of those rabid fans I want lots of reviews and media. Especially since I can't get ahold of a copy quite yet. So check below for what is at this time a complete list of Halo 3 Xbox 360 reviews.

GAMERS DAILY Halo 3 (Video) Review - 10

GAME TRAILERS Halo 3 (Video) Review - 9.8

IGN Halo 3 Review- 9.5 out of 10

IGN UK Halo 3 Review- 9.5 out of 10

TEAMXBOX - 9.7 out of 10 "There’s no doubt that the game will sell amazingly well, so the big question is whether or not it will live up to the expectations of its rabid fanbase. Luckily for them, we’re happy to report that Halo 3 is not only the best game of the series, it’s the best Xbox 360 game to date.

Typhoon Wipha (Shanghai) Media Frenzy.

Typhoon Wipha has been downgraded to "Tropical Storm" from "Super Storm set to cause the destruction of the Financial Hub of Shanghai and end life as we know it!" The FORECAST from Hong Kong pretty much confirms this. Wipha hit China's Southern Coast today about 240 KM from Shanghai. What does the MSNBC headline read? "TYPHOON WIPHA SLAMS INTO COAST NEAR SHANGHAI!" followed by the tagline"2 million evacuate after forecasts call storm the most powerful in a decade!" Then in the article about halfway down it says, "The storm's eye made landfall near Cangnan in southern Zhejiang province, some 240 miles south of Shanghai, and was losing force as it moved north along the coast, state media reported."

Way to work up a frenzy with a misleading title. I live in Shanghai, the media here has been pumping this storm for the last day pretty hard. Schools have closed, business have told their employees to stay home. It has definitely affected people, but come on MSNBC if you're going to report it like its destroying Shanghai, at least make sure its going to hit Shanghai and be the "Super Storm!" it was supposed to be. All you've done is needless worry the hell out of my mother. Thanks for that.

CNN, you're no better. "Typhoon Wipha slams into China" with the intro, "SHANGHAI, China (AP) -- Typhoon Wipha slammed into the coast south of Shanghai early Wednesday as authorities moved 2 million people following forecasts it would be the most powerful storm to hit eastern China in a decade."

In the middle of the article, "There were no immediate reports of injuries or damage caused by the storm on mainland China." Then towards the end, "Wipha, a woman's name in Thai, was upgraded from a tropical storm Monday. With wind gusts of up to 265 km/h, local meteorological officials said it would be the most destructive storm to hit the Shanghai area in years if it followed a course northward that would take it just (over Shanghai.)"

Monday? CNN's front page story about the IMMINENT DOOM STORM OF THE DECADE! was essentially updated 2 days ago? The baby eating storm of destruction has been downgraded to a tropical storm today. Granted, things could still change and God could read CNN and MSNBC and say, "Hey, I need to get on the ball here, they're expecting a doozy so I better deliver."

Yahoo can't be left out of the mix either, "Typhoon Wipha hits southeast China reads the World News Front Page Headline. At least the Yahoo article got it mostly right by not making it seem like the Typhoon was already in Shanghai.

The storm will be here later this afternoon, and it will be a good one, this is true. We'll get some nasty winds, some flooding, pretty strong rain, and it will be tough to get a taxi in central Shanghai.

But seriously guys, keep up to date on your news reports. I want to go home from work just as much as the next guy, but there's no need scaring the hell out of my mother. That's just uneccessary.

If things do get Super Storm crazy around here, and the CNN and MSNBC's misleading articles with pictures of 5 chinese people on a 3-wheeled bike peddling through a flooded streets end up actually happening on more than 2 streets in Shanghai, then I'll print out this article and take a picture of me eating it.

UPDATE: Shanghai Daily has THIS update on the storm that says, "TYPHOON Wipha will be as close as 100 kilometers to Shanghai on its way north, Xinhua news agency reported today. Wipha was downgraded to a severe tropical storm at 7am today after landing in Wenzhou City, 420 kilometers south of Shanghai, at 2:30am, said Zhu Jiadong, forecaster of Shanghai Meteorological Bureau.

The typhoon was moving northwest at 25 kilometers per hour, 300 kilometers away from Shanghai at 9am, the report said.

The bureau said wind force in Shanghai will be strengthened to around 80 kilometers per hour around noon. The typhoon will move to the sea after reaching north Jiangsu or south Shandong provinces, the report said. Rain and winds in Shanghai will weaken by midnight, the report said."

What does CNN and MSNBC still say? CNN has the same story I posted earlier, still on the front page, with information from as early as...Monday. I checked CNN and it was last updated at12:00 a.m. EDT, Wed September 19, 2007.

MSNBC updated their Super Typhoon of Death article by adding, "But Wipha was fast losing power and appeared unlikely to live up to forecasts that it could be the most powerful storm to hit eastern China in a decade. By Wednesday morning, the Meteorological Bureau in Zhejiang province, where Wipha made landfall, reported that it was downgraded to a severe tropical storm when its sustained wind speeds dropped below 74 mph."

But they still can't let go of the idea that Wipha might not be all that bad, "However, the storm was expected to pass Shanghai, China’s biggest city, later in the day and still carried the potential to cause significant damage through flooding and strong winds."

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Barry Bonds Homerun Ball #756. Buyer Marc Ecko Starts Public Vote on Balls Fate

Barry Bonds' famous/infamous homerun ball 756 was bought by Marc Ecko. Ecko has put a poll up on the internet to let the people choose what should be done with the ball. You can vote to either A) Bestow the ball in Cooperstown as is. B)Have an asterix stamped on it, then sent to the hall or most interestingly C) Have it blasted into space.

Points to Ecko for originality here, but can one REALLY rely on the online voting masses to do what's right with an important peice of baseball's history? Well, online masses, make your vote here http://www.vote756.com/marcecko/

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The Funniest Movie Moments. Audio Included!

By Chris Anderson

I've compiled here a list of what I consider some of the funniest moments in movies. These are the scenes that you laugh so hard you cry. Well, at least I laughed so hard I cried. For each movie there is a link to the audio from that scene with the corresponding picture. The links are to web pages, not direct downloads. Not all of them are perfect, but you'll get the general idea. So without further delay, here they are.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles: The scene where Steve Martin and John Candy wake up in the morning snuggling in the hotel bed. "Where is your hand?" "Between two pillows." "Those aren't Pillows!!! AHHHH!" "AHHHHH!" THOSE AREN'T PILLOWSSS!! AHHH!

National Lampoons Christmas Vacation: At the end of the movie Clarke loses it and goes off on his boss. Classic, Classic scene. You no good, scum eating, pig humping...

PE Interviews Keanu Reeves

Project Ebola Interviews Keanu Reeves.

Project Ebola: So Mr. Keanu Reeves, as a fictional character, how do you feel about the dichotomy between the Shakespearean theory of acting and the modern form as we see it today?

Keanu: Dude, I'm not a fictional character, I'm an actor. And what's 'dichotomy' mean?

Project Ebola: Dichotomy is a type of abalone.

Keanu: What does abalone have to do with acting bro?

Project Ebola: Also, who do you feel today, is the most well renowned serious actor?

Keanu: Uh, I thought we were going to talk about my band. You told me we were going to talk about my band, not abalone dichotomy and serious acting. And dude, I'm not a fictional character.

Project Ebola: Sure thing Keanu. So are you going to answer the question?